Here are a few thoughts I wanted to get out before the matchup tonight in Cleveland. It’s exciting to know moments will occur tonight that we’ll be talking about for decades. I mean, these moments happen, but I think it’s rare that we know exactly when they’re going to happen. In forty years when ESPN Classic is running its LeBron Story, tonight will be a part of it. Tonight will be included in nearly every story ever created about LeBron. Scratch that, it WILL be included in EVERYTHING aimed at telling LeBron’s story. And tonight, we’ll all witness. Too easy.
First off, I’ve only watched the NBA for its players. When I was little, I watched Reggie Miller and Michael Jordan. Today I enjoy watching LeBron and Durant and Nash, but I never felt it would have been right to consider myself a Cav fan. Not after all the futility I’ve experienced (Reds and Browns). I resented people for taking the easy way out, and I was not-so-secretly pleased when LeBron left.
What do I think will happen tonight? I can make a prediction, but based on what? There’s no precedent for this. There’s basically no precedent for anything LeBron has ever done, if you think about it.
Who grows up being touted as the next best player in their sport by the time they’re 16? Already a small number. Of those people, who grew up in a city, which has suffered the kind of professional sports poverty akin to Cleveland? The list is already probably down to LeBron only, but let’s keep going. Who lives up to the hype and by the time they are 18, think about it, 18, is the consensus best player entering the draft. Man, I was stupid at 18. And wouldn’t you know it, your hometown was worst in the league last year, and they have the number 1 pick. You can’t write this stuff; it’s sports. This movie script would be stupid. LeBron is picked by his hometown with the duty of bringing the city out of sports hell. His games continues to progress and puts up ridiculous numbers. He has a couple playoff runs where he’s just out of his mind. Look up some of the stats he’s had in the playoffs. Absurd. LeBron grows tired of trying to defeat deep, 9-man teams in the conference semis and finals by himself and decides to bolt town.
LeBron does an hour of ill-advised television and he’s immediately the worst human being on the planet. What a character flaw, eh Kobe? Eh Big Ben? Eh Ron Artest? Eh Tiger?
Basically I’m trying to say that this entire “LeBron” saga has never happened before. How can I predict what’ll happen tonight? Cowherd makes a great point. He says Cav fans can yell at LeBron tonight and hopefully get everything out of their collective system. It can, and hopefully will be therapeutic. I hope we can stop talking about it after tonight. Sure, players have skipped town and come back to play in front of angry fans before, but not to this magnitude. Don’t kid yourself. (BTW: Mike "The Miz" insert last name, just won some kind of WWE title. He's from Cleveland (Parma), does this end the title drought?)
I’m really more annoyed with the incessant Heat coverage. We’ve already figured out they won’t surpass the ’96 Bulls. Can we stop with a little bit of this converage. Every day I have to wade (pun intended) through all the Heat news to find the really important stuff on ESPN (Blue Jackets news).
The big 3 in Miami have each gone over 20 points the past few games and I think they are putting it together. But I don’t know if it’ll be enough to defeat the energy in the Q tonight. I think LeBron is going to try too hard, and I think he has to. The worst thing LeBron can do is be a non-factor. He can’t be complacent and give Cav fans a chance to think they don’t even miss him. LeBron has to be a tornado tonight, which I don’t think is even a basketball term. I think he has to try to do everything. I think he’ll have too many nerves to have a good shooting night, but that doesn’t mean he won’t be able to get to the rack.
The worst part about LeBron leaving in favor of Miami is the time they’re taking to figure out how to play together. Wade and LeBron haven’t coexisted perfectly yet, but it will get better, if Wade can accept that it’s no longer his team, IMO. After all, LeBron is the reigning two-time MVP. The league’s most valuable player hasn’t been entertaining. He hasn’t been appointment television.
I know not everyone is a sports fan, but if you’re reading this, you probably are. I don’t particularly care about the NBA, but I will realize a chance to be a small part of history, even if it’s on the other side of a television screen. I hope you’ll all join me in putting this issue to bed.
I’ll see you tomorrow
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
20 Best Characters in Comedy, Post Friends Era
I have a 10-page paper due Saturday in class and I originally had planned to do it today (Tuesday). Instead, I started thinking about all my favorite comedic characters in television over the past couple years. After minutes of thinking, it occurred to me that this very topic could make for a decent blog. It also occurred to me that I haven't posted a written blog in a couple weeks, and when that happens, the Hambino Hounds tend to go a little nuts. I concluded it's best to keep the Hounds satiated, so I went to work coming up with the best 20 characters in American comedy television, post Friends era. Is it time for me to begin gathering research and formulating ideas for my paper? Probably. Is it time to start panicking? Absolutely not.
I texted my Podcast buddy, Burke, and asked for his input. His response was, I'd have Ricky Gervais's character from the British version of The Office #1 and then he said he'd also have Homer Simpson in the mix as well. I quickly responded, only American television and no animation. I haven't watched a whole lot of British television and I couldn't really include animation because after Futurama, Family Guy and The Simpsons, there'd only be a few spots left on my list. I didn't want to include the British version of The Office (or as they call it in Britain, The Office), because then how would I be able to count out all the other British shows I've never seen? I didn't want to open that can of worms. I didn't want to included animated television either because half of comedy is being able to see the way comedians use their bodies and faces. As someone on my list once said, "I'm sort of a student of comedy." And worms are really gross.
I hope I don't offend people by leaving certain characters off my list. It is important to remember that there's nothing wrong with liking what you like. Personally, I must have a bit of a weird taste in comedies because my two favorite movie comedies of all time weren't able to outgross its production expenses in the box office. Basically, there are no right or wrong answers here.
I wasn't exactly sure how to compile my list. I didn't want to just make it my favorite characters of comedy, but I also didn't want to blurt out the 20 most popular actors either. This list is somewhere in the middle. It's mostly my favorite people, and a few other characters who I feel earned it. Like Ray Romano. I never really watched this show, but it was on forever, and I know a lot of people my age who really like it, so he's kicking things off. I got a clip of him here.
19) Jeff (Patrick Warburton), Rules of Engagement.
I think most comedy's on Network or Cable (I've never learned the difference) tend to get a little corny. I can just identify with HBO a little more because they say words like, "fuck" and "prostate." I'm not sure that makes any sense; anyway, I think Patrick has done a nice job on this show, even though I've lost interest in it. I got a clip of him here.
18) Phil Dunphy (Ty Burrell), Modern Family.
This show's won emmy's and it's awesome. The cast is great, and I'd recommend checking it out. If the show were a few more seasons in, Mr. Dunphy would be much higher on my list. This was one of my favorite clips when I searched youtube to accompany all of these. I got a clip of him here.
17) Doug Heffernan (Kevin James), The King of Queens.
Dougy-Doug is benefiting from the "Ray Barone Rule." I only ever watched this show in passing, but I think it's pretty decent. He makes the list because he gives me the opportunity to mention SBTB's Stacie Carosi (Leah Remini) playing opposite him. It's hard for me to give Kevin James my full attention because I always find myself thinking about Social Studies whenever I see him. He looks strikingly similar to my 8th grade Social Studies teacher, who concentrated more on Civic's and less on making me laugh.
I got a clip of him here.
16) Andy Dwyer (Chris Pratt), Parks and Recreation.
This cat has potential. This clip also made me LOL, where most could only make me GQTM. Andy is prohibited from currently being any higher on my list by the "Ty Burrell Syndrome." I got a clip of him here.
15) Murray Hewitt (Rhys Darby) Flight of the Conchords.
This is probably the one where you're like, "who the hell is that?" Then you'll be like, "Oh, I've seen that guy somewhere... Oh it's the boss from 'Yes Man'." Then you'd be right. He was also funny (playing the same character) in this cult hit. I got a clip of him here.
14) Andrew Bernard (Ed Helms), The Office.
I think the Nard Dog is hysterical in The Office. I really like his pants, too. He wants to have a whole litter of nard pups. I got a clip of him here.
13) Chris Turk (Donald Faison), Scrubs.
In 2006-2007 while in college, I watched at least 4 episodes of Scrubs a day. I got a clip of him here.
12) Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman), Parks and Recreation.
Seriously guys, watch this clip and then watch the show whenever the 3rd season premiere's. I can't believe NBC has held Parks and Rec back so they could make the shittastic Outsourced. I got a clip of him here.
11) Buster Bluth (Tony Hale), Arrested Development.
Arrested Development is probably my favorite comedy of all time. Let me think about it. Yup, it's my favorite of all time. I got a clip of him here.
10) Jim Parsons (Sheldon Cooper), Big Bang Theory.
I've kind of lost interest in this show as well, but Jim won an Emmy for his performance in this series, I believe. He's come a long way from the knight in Garden State. I got a clip of him here.
9) Cameron Tucker (Eric Stonestreet), Modern Family.
The funniest character in Modern Family. I can't decide if his mannerisms are exaggerated, or spot on. I got a clip of him here.
8) Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin), 30 Rock.
I'm not exactly sure why I quit watching this show. I believe it premiered on NBC with The Office and Scrubs on Thursday night's. I remember thinking Alec was hilarious in the show, and I have plenty of friends still watching. I got a clip of him here.
7) Tobias Funke (David Cross), Arrested Development.
Nobody could have played this character the way David Cross did. This character was perfectly cast. I got a clip of him here.
6) Larry David (Larry David), Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Larry David is the biggest benefactor of the "Ray Barone Rule." I have only ever seen a few episodes of this show, but I know it's wildly successful among certain audiences and the show has at least 7 seasons, I believe. I got a clip of him here.
5) GOB Bluth (Will Arnett), Arrested Development.
My favorite character from Arrested Development. So many quiet, one-liners from him. Good thing I always watch DVD's with the CC enabled or I would never have caught it all. I got a clip of him here.
4) Charlie Kelly (Charlie Day), It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
When this program began in was an incredible show. The first season was 6 or 7 episodes long and they were all on the other side of the politically correct line. As the show progress, the male characters developed and turned into assholes, and so did Sweet D. Danny DeVito was also added to the cast. Charlie isn't my favorite character on the show, but if you were to only watch one episode, he'd be the guy you remember. I got a clip of him here.
3) Dave Chappelle (Dave Chappelle), Chappelle's Show.
I had to break the rules here. I remember watching this show my freshman year of college and it was so groundbreaking. I had never seen anything like it, and it also made everyone laugh so hard. I got a clip of him here.
2) John "J.D." Dorian (Zach Braff), Scrubs.
I couldn't find a clip to do J.D. justice, but I tried. I really do think over the course of his time on Scrubs he played his character brilliantly. Another character who was unique, with quirks and idiosyncrasies which made him so fun to watch. I got a clip of him here.
I've heard Steve Carell regarded as the nicest guy in hollywood. Well, he's really good at his job, too. I've watched episodes of The Office with the director commentary, and they say they have to cut out about 30 minutes of Steve Carell improv all the time. I think Michael Scott is my favorite character of all time, which is strange because he breaks my personal rule of plausibility. I've stopped watching entire genres of movies (horror) because they tend to be so far-fetched, and Michael Scott being in charge of an office is just that, but I love him anyways. I got a clip of him here.
There was a specific show that did not benefit from the "Ray Barone Rule." Can you guess it? It's Two and a Half Men. Can someone explain to me why that show is funny? I guess this is an example of, "you like what you like," and there's nothing wrong with that.
I hope you've enjoyed the list. I know I had fun searching Youtube for the appropriate videos. There are a handful of characters who didn't meet my criteria, but I thought I'd give them a quick honorable mention. One criteria I used was I wanted the characters to be from shows that had run at least 20 episodes, so a few were disqualified due to that. I expect to see some of these guys on my list in 5 years.
Stevie Janowski and Kenny Powers from East Bound and Down. I believe there have only been 13 episodes of this series, but this is really groundbreaking stuff. I've never seen characters like either of these two on television before, and don't kid yourself, Stevie is the funniest character on that show. I don't know if there'll be a 3rd season, my hunch is that there won't since Danny McBride is in a lot of movies now, but who knows, HBO has deep pockets.
Sacha Baron Cohen for his work on Da Ali G show (12 episodes). I've never seen it, but the movies spawned from his television characters have been pretty funny.
Jonathan Ames (Jason Schwartzman), Ray (Zach Galifianakis) and George Christopher (Ted Danzen) from Bored to Death (<20>
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
World Series: Pros(e) and Cons
The World Series begins tonight and very excited for it. Remember getting your license, or turning 21, or other cool things that made you excited? That’s how I feel: excited. However, everything about the World Series isn’t great, so I’ve made a list of some of the most important pros and cons revolving around the Fall Classic. Pro/Con always works.
PROS
1) Atmosphere è San Francisco and Arlington
I honestly believe these two cities had the best crowds out of all the teams that made the postseason. Crowd involvement might be my favorite thing about the playoffs.
2) Big Stage è Immortality
This is the most prestigious setting you’ll find anywhere in baseball. This gives players the opportunity to do amazing (terrible) things that absolutely take our breath away and sew their image into our brains forever. It can be just about anybody. Does Vlad have one huge series left in him? Pat Burrel (okay, I just made myself laugh)? Will a new star most people haven’t heard of emerge (Elvis Andrus)? Will it be one of the usual suspects (Josh Hamilton, Cliff Lee, Cody Ross, Tim Lincecum, Matt Cain)?
3) Second-Guessing every managerial decision (With Keith Law on Twitter)
Since is the biggest stage anywhere in baseball, every play, every decision becomes magnified and scrutinized. The commentator’s tend to weigh in and so does Keith Law, snarkily belittling every manager. It’s just fun.
4) Watching Grown Men Realize Their Dream (and hopefully cry)
This probably is actually my favorite part of postseason baseball. If you watch enough regular season baseball, you’ll notice players trying to get through the grind, robotically going through the motions of the seasonal day-to-day. We won’t see this in the World Series. Players care about this. A lot of these guys having been dreaming about the World Series since they were, I don’t know, 8? To see a 30-year-old dude win one and become emotional, well, it gives me chill bumps. Remember, we’re talking about dudes here, not girls who tend to cry over just about anything. “It’s one of the many defects of their kind, also, weak arms” (Dwight K. Schrute).
No, no, when you see a dude cry, you know something horrible, or something incredible has happened. It’s special.
5) It’s fucking awesome
1) Things
If you dislike fucking awesome things, you’re going to fucking hate the World Series.
2) ED Ads
I considered filing this under the “pro” column because ED ads have been known to make me giggle. Especially the one where the guy sees his reflection and the reflection asks him, “Well, are you gonna ask him?” Then the actual guy says, “Ask him about what?” Then the reflection says, “About our erectile dysfunction.”
I really thought that commercial was hilarious because it made me wonder what would happen the next time I knew my Dad was visiting the doctor, if I asked my Dad if he was going to ask his Doctor about our erectile dysfunction. He wouldn’t think it was funny, and I’d feel really uncomfortable after he didn’t laugh. That’s probably what would happen.
Sometimes I wonder why there are never any commercials for dental dams.
3) Game Length
This is really the worst part about postseason baseball. Since every decision becomes magnified, managers generally take more time with their decisions, and are more apt to making pitching changes. I bet this World Series will average about 3:20 per game during yes, I’m about to say it, the year of the pitcher.
4) Immediately Knowing A Horrible Call Has Been Made But Not Having The Ability To Change It
I heard Keith Law make the case for, steroids being worse for baseball than not having the use of instant replay. I think he’s right. At least so many people were using steroids that it was almost fair. Sure, many important records are now tarnished, but as steroids happened somewhat evenly throughout the game, bad calls do not happen evenly in the World Series and losing a game this important on a horseshit call is inexcusable. I hate seeing an instant replay 4 seconds after the play is finished showing a bad call was made. The amount games will be prolonged due to introduction of instant replay will be a smaller factor than the tragedy of a ruined World Series. The MLB should replay World Cup games prior to the World Series so the MLB lack of replay won’t look as terrible due to comparison.
5) World Series Means Baseball Season Is Finished
REDS!
It wouldn’t seem right if I didn’t take a little time to pick a World Series winner. I’ll take VERY little time, since it begins in two hours.
I give a slight pitching edge to the Giants because of their one-two and Brian Wilson’s beard. I know, I know, what about Cliff Lee? If Cliff has two World Series Games where he goes 8+IP, 2H, 0R, 11K, 0BB he will enter a strange realm. The realm I’m referring to is the “Obnoxious movie script” realm. Seriously, if Cliff Lee dominates this World Series and then there is a movie made where the main character is a Big League Pitcher who runs through two straight postseasons like Cliff Lee, it will seem too unrealistic to be believable/a good movie. Basically, I’m trying to say that some force has to make Cliff hittable in this World Series. It seems illogical for him to continue the way he has.
I give the Rangers a big edge in hitting, but in a 7 game series, how can you really know? You can’t, that’s why they play the games. I can’t believe I just said that shit.
If you’re keeping score, I just said the Giants have better pitching and the Rangers have better hitting, so who’ll win the Fall Classic? Well, I thought the Yankees and Phils had better teams that the Rangers and Giants respectively, so I’m picking the Giants to win this, if you know what I mean.
I hope the Rangers win though, so I can see Josh Hamilton cry when he’s asked to explain his journey from the Natural, to the addict, to World Series Champion. By the way, Josh’s life story would make the most ridiculously obnoxious, impossible movie script of all. God, I love sports.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Old Yellar (new podcast below. burke granger and i preview the AL and NLCS's)
I knew October 10th, 2010 would be a memorable day. But I also kind of knew it would be memorable for all the wrong reasons. It was never my intention to create a blog where I inform the masses about my regular, day-to-day life. With this piece, I’ve decided to make an exception because last Sunday was special.
I remember visiting my mom’s parents a few times when I was little. The only way I can place my grandpa is in his golden recliner, either watching the Reds on television, or listening to them on the radio. Other than where he was from, and his occupation, that’s all I really know about him; he used to like the Reds. I also have a home video of my third birthday with my parents and brother, and my mom’s parents were also there. They sing happy birthday to me, and then Mom says to make a wish. I oblige and close my eyes to think of what I might want. While my eyes were closed, my 7-year-old brother thought it would be hilarious to blow my candles out, so he did. My Reds-loving grandpa yelled at my brother and my mom grabbed him by the ear. Between my Mom’s thumb and forefinger were my brother’s ear and the smoldering match, which she had lit the candles with and forgotten about. My brother screamed, cried, and called my mom a stupid-head in that order, making my third birthday my favorite birthday, easily.
Anyway, I know two things about that grandpa really; he loved the Reds and hated my brother.
The reason I thought October 10th would be so memorable is because I had a few rarities that I was hoping to accomplish all on that day. I had planned to wake up and finish the book I’d been writing for 7 months. Then, I wanted to go to a bar in Columbus and watch the Browns and immediately leave after the game to be in Cincinnati in time for their first home playoff game in 15-years. It didn’t quite work out that way.
It turned out my aforementioned brother ended up calling me every 15 minutes to inform me that we were leaving an extra hour earlier. We ended up leaving Columbus at 11am to pick up our friends and get to Cincinnati in time to watch the Browns in a bar. It had to look strange to the locals. Five guys in Reds gear, yelling at the television every time the Browns screwed up.
If you’re keeping track, this is what’s happened so far: I thought I’d finish my book but couldn’t because we left for the game 6 hours before I thought we would, and I didn’t get to watch the Browns at my favorite bar in Columbus, and also, the Browns lost. The day wasn’t exactly going according to my plan.
After watching three hours of vomit-inducing quarterback play from the Browns, we made our way downtown to have a few more beers and get closer to the stadium. During the 15-minute drive I literally felt sick. For some reason, I began thinking about the movie, “Old Yellar.” I haven’t seen the movie since I was about 9 so my memory might be rusty. After Old Yellar is irreversibly stricken with rabies, they make the decision to shoot the dog. That Dad was ready to put the dog down, but his 12-year old son said he’d do it because, “she was my dog.”
I really wasn’t too excited to see the Reds play that home game because the series was at 0-2. Even if we had won that game, Roy Halladay was next. There was basically zero chance for the Reds after they got themselves behind two games. During the ride downtown, I thought of my Grandpa listening/watching every game. I thought of my Dad always having the games on as well. What else is there to do in Minster after you get off work? You watch the games, I guess. Finally, I thought about last season; how I was living by myself and didn’t have an operational television, not to mention, cable. I missed the entire ’09 Reds season and I hated it. I redeemed myself this season and caught just about every single game, and by the time we arrived at the stadium I thought, “This team is my dog.” I’m glad I was able to be there in person to witness the final game. It really was an amazing season.
Even though the day didn’t unfold exactly how I would have liked, it was still a memorable day. The first game I went to this season was about 1/3 of the way in. The Reds were playing the Cardinals, and actually ended up taking their first divisional lead that day. It was a gloomy Sunday and of course, half the stadium was vacant, and most of the people attending the game seemed pretty indifferent to the outcome. I remember saying to my buddy Jonathan that day, “Man, all I want is to go to a game where the stadium is full, and the crowd is actually into the game.”
Later in the season, I attended the division clinching game and went nuts with the rest of the crowd as Jay Bruce walked the Reds into the postseason for the first time in a decade in a half. That game fulfilled my wish, and it was granted again when I attended the playoff game a few weeks later. If only I had wished for a World Series Championship. Sigh.
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