NFL Week 3 Predictions/Nerd Predictions

In Week 2 I picked 11 winners, 10 correctly against the spread and identified 9 games against the O/U.  I actually forgot to pick the Saints game from last week but I'll just give myself credit for getting everything right.  

Okay then, here's who is going to win all the week 3 games.  All bets down, here we go.

TEAM COVERING THE SPREAD LOOKS LIKE THIS

TITANS @ Jets (-3) Over 37

The Titans' desperation carries them over the Jets, who still have a rookie QB.

Browns @ RAVENS (-13)  under 38.5

I don't know where to find information on past spreads but I bet the Browns haven't covered in 8 games, 13 points is tempting but I'd need about 17.

Giants (-7) @ BUCCS over 44

I think the Buccs desperation at 0-2 will keep the game close but the Giants will end up winning this one.

Jags @ TEXANS (-3.5) Under 46.5

Texans looked good last week.  I'm very confident they will cover this 3.5

49ERS @ Vikings (-7) over 40.5

We'll be hearing a lot about the 9ers after they beat the Vikings this week.  Actually, analysts will probably talk more about how Brett Favre is hurt (I think the 9ers are going to knock him out).

Falcons @ PATRIOTS (-4) over 44

The only reason I don't want to pick against the Patriots in consecutive weeks is because they are the Patriots.  I think this will be a very good game but the Pats will win it late.  

Redskins (-6.5) @ LIONS under 38.5 

Lions win for the first time since the mid '80's.  Browns will officially be the worst team in the NFL. 

PACKERS (-6.5) @ Rams under 41

Packers roll after losing to the Bungy's, besides St. Louis is terrible.  

BEARS (-2.5) @ Seahawks over 37

Assuming Hasselbeck is out, I like Cutler to continue to improve with the Bears.

SAINTS (-5.5) @ Bills over 51.5

I'm just going to keep taking the Saints to cover and the over until it stops working.

STEELERS (-4) @ Bengals over 37

This could be a huge statement win for the Bengals.  I do like the Steelers to win because I think they'll score a defensive TD, even without Troy P.  

BRONCOS even @ Raiders under 35.5

J. Russell made 1 good throw last week and it was enough to win the game for the Raiders.  He may need to do more than that against the broncos.  Broncos win.

DOLPHINS @ Chargers (-6) over 43

I'm close to picking the Dolphins after almost defeating the Colts but I think they'll fall just short again.  Chargers win.  

Colts @ CARDS (-2) over 47.5

Boy, the NFL sure can pick 'em.  For me, this is the most intriguing game of the week, a great AFC team against the NFC Super Bowl Representative from last season, it happens to be the Sunday night game.  It also pits two great QB's against each other, it should be a great game to watch.  I have the Cards winning this one by 3.  

Panthers @ COWBOYS (-9) under 46

I don't really care about this game.  I've seen the cowboys but not the Panthers.  I'm taking the cowboys to cover at home.

Here is who I think will win our fantasy football match ups this week.  I'd like to state that I'm assuming each team will be starting who they currently have in their starting lineups.  Also, I'm not going to analyze the kicker or Defense positions because I've already wasted enough time on this for the 3 people who will actually look at it.  

Team-an vs Diagnosis Ronalds team

I give Team-an an edge on QB... unless Hasselbeck plays, then it would go to Ronald (Jon Piening).  I also give the WR edge to Ronald because Cribbs is going to get mad Return "pointage" this week.  I also think Anquan Boldin will be involved in a shootout so he should produce a lot of points.  I also give Ron a slight RB edge.  Team-an will gain a lot at the W/R position because Fred Jackson doesn't split carries.  I think the TE position will be a wash.  

I think Team-an pulls out a close one if Hasselbeck can't go.

Velvet Merey vs. Walk the Dinosaur (what does that mean?)

A.Jay gets the QB edge because Brett Favre will be busy pulling out dingleberries to play football.  

Craig (Greg) has a WR advantage because Fitzy will be in that aforementioned shootout.  

Craig (stukenbaaak) has an edge at RB because I think the Titans will contain Thomas Jones better than the Jets Chris Johnson.

A.Jay has a TE advantage and Craig has a real nice W/R advantage.

Craig (stook) wins easily.  

Grape Smugglers vs. Scrap Iron

If you look at the projected points Grape Smugglers is supposed to get the least amount of points in the league this week while Jake is supposed to get the most points.  I'm not gonna waste my time breaking it down.

Jake wins.  

Peter North Stars vs. Who's Gonna Be 2nd

Dauber has the name edge because it's the most clever in the league.

Unfortunately Dauber has an injured QB so Travis has a sizable advantage there

I really like Daub's WR's, three pretty good picks there considering this league starts 42 WR's a week.  Interesting RB matchup because it's between four guys who don't split a lot of carries.  I think the RB numbers will be pretty even.  

I'm giving Al a slight TE lead because I think the Vikings will have to throw more because they are going to lose.  

Travis has a better W/R player in Felix Jones, who will get the all-important return yards points.  

Travis wins by 10

Tico's Club vs. NFL Guru

Tentatively giving Mitch the QB advantage.  If Tom Brady doesn't put up Tom Brady numbers (which he hasn't yet this year) This could easily go the other way.

I think the RB will be a wash.  I like Kevin Smith and Ray Rice to each get a lot more than they are projected this week.  

I like Trent to gain on the WR position.  I wouldn't be surprised to see Trent Score at least 70 points one week off Randy Moss and Andre Johnson alone.  How did you get both of those guys?

Mitch has Tony Gonzalez so he wins TE.

I like Percy Harvin this week because, like I said, the Vikings will be down and Brett Favre (before he gets injured this week) can dump off short passes to Percy and let him run for big yardage.  

I have Trent winning this one.

'96 Bulls vs Carson Chad Cedric

Danny has the QB advantage.  I think the Bengals will be in a shootout this weekend, so I like Carson to score more than 11.  

Justin will have the WR advantage this week partly because Steve Smith will need a big game if they want to beat the Cowboys.  I also don't know if Houshmandzadeh is playing this weekend.  I wonder where that little bar guy is...

I give Danny the RB advantage because I like Clinton Portis against the Lions this weekend.  

Danny also wins at TE because Drew Brees is throwing to his tight end.  

W/R position will be  a wash.

Dan is the Winner and he turns 21.  

Madison Hedgecocks vs. Ochenta Y Cinco

I give myself, Hammer, the QB advantage because Drew Brees is a hunk and Eli is also better than Jamarcus.  

I, Hamma lamma ding dong, will also take the WR advantage because of the shootout in Cincinnati.  Santonio was targeted 15 times in week 2, there were only a handful of other receivers who were targeted more.  

Andrew has the RB edge because Forte is due and Ronnie Brown should have another big week.

I have a TE advantage because it's Dallas Clark for crying out loud.  

Andrew will have a W/R edge because Jamarcus can't pass so Oak town needs big games from its running backs

I think I'll win

I hope you enjoy this.  I sure did love the 3 hours it took to write it.  

NFL Week 2 prediction

Here are my week 2 predictions, playas.

Team covering spread is in Caps

I'm gonna also try to predict the O/U.  (I can't really factor in weather this early in the week)

Texans @ TITANS (-6.5) Under 40.5

The Titans D looked pretty sweet in week 1 and the Texans looked kinda terrible, I actually thought they would have looked better but... Not a good week for the Texans running game, which was non-existent in week 1, to get off the "ground."  What a shitty pun.

Patriots (-5) @ JETS Under 47

I could end up looking really stupid here but I am, so that wouldn't be all bad.  Tom Brady didn't appear to be all the way back and he'll be on the road here, so the crowd won't be so friendly.  Sanchez only has 1 game experience but his ground game produced a lot in week one so I'm taking the jets to win this.

BENGALS @ Packers (-9) under 42.5

I didn't think the Bengals looked that bad in week 1 to warrant being  a 9 point dog.  The Pack didn't look that great either, to be honest.  Packers win, but not by 9.

Vikings (-9.5) @ LIONS under 47

I was mildly impressed w/ Stafford.  I think Brett Favre is on his way to having an embarrassing year, starting w/ week 2.  Vikings win bc of AP but they're not winning by 10.

Panthers @ FALCONS (-6) over 43

The Panthers disappointed in Week 1 and Matt Ryan looked pretty tough.  I like them at home.

RAMS @ Redskins (-10) Under 37

Rams were scoreless in in Week 1.  Redskins also lost to a Giants team who also didn't look that good.  Redskins win but not by 11.

CARDINALS @ Jags (-3) over 42.5

Warner didn't really get Boldin, Fitzy and Breaston as involved as expected in week 1.  I think they remedy this against the Jags on the road, and win

RAIDERS @ Chiefs (-3) over 39

Raiders played pretty well against the Chargers (or the chargers underperformed) and I think they defeat the Chiefs on the road.  Could the raiders be a surprise in the AFC west?  They'll probably have to beat the chargers when they meet in San Diego.

SEAHAWKS @ 49ers (-1.5) over 39.5

Interesting week 2 matchup in the NFC West.  The winner will be the only undefeated team left in the Division.  I think Hasselbeck avoids the picks in week 2 and Seahawks win on the road.

Buccs @ BILLS (-4.5) under 42

I really liked the play of the Bills secondary against the Pats.  I think they shut down the Buccs and the Bills get the W.

Browns @ BRONCOS (-3) under 37.5

Free money.  Take the Broncos.

STEELERS (-3) @ Bears over 37.5

I like the steelers big in this one.  I'd find an adjusted line of like -10 to bet on.  If I was a gambling man but I'm not.  

RAVENS @ Chargers (-3.5) over 40.5

The ravens are too good defensively to not beat a team who should have lost to the Raiders.  Ravens win on the road.

Giants @ COWBOYS (-3) over 44

Didn't think the giants looked like they were ready to go back to the Super Bowl.  Cowboys win this one.  Marion the Barbarian.

COLTS (-3) @ Dolphins under 42

I picked the dolphins in week 1 and they embarrassed me.  They didn't look good at all.  The colts still have peyton Manning, right?  Yeah, I like them.  

This is why we love the NFL.  If you're interested.

Out of the 16 games I was only able to pick 10 teams to win correctly.  Picking against the spread I also rightly selected 10 teams.  Hopefully, in a few more weeks I will have these numbers at 12.  

I'd like to briefly state something I've learned from week 1 about each team.

Titans- Kenny Britt may become a steal in FF leagues

Steelers- This is the year where Santonio will begin to out produce Ketchup Ward.

Dolphins- The Falcons are good but it looks like the Dolphins will be watching the playoffs on tv like the rest of us this year.

Falcons- Matt Ryan doesn't show signs of a sophomore slump.  

Chiefs- Didn't look as terrible as I was expecting but a fumble recovery in the endzone always helps.

Ravens- Joe Flacco also doesn't believe in the sophomore slump

Eagles- Looked very impressive in a game where the spread was 1 point.  Are we going to see Mike Vick now that Donovan is hurt?

Carolina- Last year's sweet rushing attack was absent in week 1 this year.  That tends to happen when you give up 28 points in the second and need to pass for the rest of the game.

Broncos- Offense is definitely lacking w/0 J Cut.  Brandon Stokley is my new favorite player

Cincinnati- I thought Chris Henry was going to be the biggest steal in FF.  He had 1 catch for 18 yards.  

Vikings-25 Million for Favre to throw dump off passes and hand the ball to the best player in the league.  Rosenfels can't do that for 5 Mil?  Favre seemed to age 5 years in the last calendar year to me.

Browns- By far the worst team during the final six weeks of last season... Didn't look much better in week 1.

Jets- Rookie quarterback is usually a throwaway season but Sanchez looked good.  190 Rushing yards help that.  So did the D.

Texans- I guess Steve Slaton is waiting for week 2 to bust out

Jags- Held the colts to 14 but lost.  MJD looked good in his first game as a feature back who doesn't split many carries.

Colts- Reggie Wayne is gonna be a busy, busy boy.  

Lions- Matt Stafford also didn't look too bad in his debut.  

Saints- I reached a bit to get Drew Brees in both my Fantasy Leagues.  I guess this makes me the man.

Cowboys- Offense looked real nice

Tampa Bay- looked to have a great rushing attack in week 1

Rams- Ew, I don't know if they did anything well

Seahawks- 2009 NFC West Champions.  Write that down.

49ers- good game for the 9ers but I don't think they'll have staying power in the West.

Cardinals-Tim Hightower led the team in Receiving yards.  What?  Why?

Redskins- Looked pretty bad.  Made the game close by scoring a late TD when down 13.

Giants- Eli looked OK and was able to hook up w/ two of his young WR.  (Steve Smith, USC and M. Manningham, MICH)

Bears- Didn't think the Bears would have a chance if J Cut played that poorly.  They could be pretty tough when he works the jitters out.

Green Bay- I just remember seeing #38 and #36 pick off about 24 passes

Bills- Looked real nice.  Who is this Fred Jackson guy and is Marshawn even gonna play when he is eligible.  Fred looked real nice

Pats- Tom Brady is not all the way back... at least he wasn't until there were like 4 minutes left.

Chargers- D looked decent.  I thought it looked like Darren Sproles lost a step or two.  

Raiders- Did not look too bad.  Run DMC and Michael Bush is a great start for any team   

JOURNEY 1985 / NFL Week 1!

I spent the summer of 1985 taking a magical road trip with two of my great buddies, Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley.  Why don't we just dive right into it

Events occur in real time.  

The three of us met in the early 70's at George Washington Kindergarden in Albuquerque, NM.  That's right, we did all that kid stuff together.  We had the kind of relationship that would really make Dr. MLK Jr. proud and my Grandma a little uncomfortable.  We were later split up in middle school and then there was that period of time where I was cryogenically frozen... I emerged years later, better looking than Michael and slightly less round than Charles Barkley and we rekindled our friendship for one great summer/fall trip.  

Unfortunately, Michael and I did have a friendly tiff at one point.  We found ourselves on competing sides of the underwear business and I can admit, he got the better of me on that one.  His, "Look who we've got our Hanes on now." played to the audience a little better than my, "Hey, why aren't you wearing my underpants?" slogan.  That's neither here nor there.

Our JOURNEY began in Chicago 

We left Chicago on May 30 and headed to Boston because I had never been there.  The NBA Finals was going on between the celtics and lakers, MJ and Charles wanted to see it for some reason.  On May 31, we drove through Ohio and Pennsylvania and we narrowly escaped the 41 tornadoes to hit the area.  76 people were killed that night but my sweet VW bus carried us through the storm.  It was a scary kind of night, lightning, thunder and tornadoes everywhere, it was really something for ONLY THE YOUNG.  The entire time Barkley was very scared, saying things like  "we're never gonna make it."  "There's lightning all around us." and "I haven't been to a casino in days." I calmly told him, "DON'T STOP BELIEVIN.'" There was shit flying everywhere and we even saw a WHEEL IN THE SKY, it was seriously about 45 feet in the air just zipping around like crazy, luckily, we made it through.  Michael did have to give Charles a pair of his signature underpants. 

We made it to Boston Early, the Lakers had a 2-1 lead and were playing in LA at that point, so we hung around bean town and got drunk a few nights.  Charles Barkley insisted he would drive home every night.  He's a shockingly good driver when intoxicated.  Charles stated over and over that the Lakers would win and He and MJ had a huge wager on it.  I think it was about 15000 clams.  Charles began spending money like hot cakes because he FAITHFULLY believed in the lakers.  On June 9 we did attend game 6 where the Lakers won the series with a 111-100 win.  Charles went nuts and MJ didn't appreciated it.  MJ wanted his underpants back immediately, so Charles took them off right there, amidst all the confetti, which really just made the celebration more fun, until we got kicked out.  I saw my old friend Robert Parish sulking and asked him if he needed someone to talk to.  "No," Robert said, "I'LL BE ALRIGHT WITHOUT YOU."  "Ok, good, because butterball Charles just got us kicked out.  Cya friend."  

After those festivities we traveled to Newport News, VA to visit one of Charles' buddies, Mike Vick.  Mike offered to take us to his church and then later tour his local library but Charles suggested going to a dogfight.  Michael said, "that seems pretty unethical but you are my guests so, ANY WAY YOU WANT IT."  We arrived at the dog fight and Charles was throwing around all kinds of money.  The rest of us were pretty uncomfortable especially Michael Vick.  MV, MJ and I left to play horse on a local bball court.  I ended up winning from a shot that went off an el camino and into the hoop.  We returned to the fight to hear the shrill, high pitched shriek, of a little girl who just had her barbie collection stolen.  Immediately, I knew it was Charles, but I still asked, "WHO'S CRYING NOW?" Turns out Charles lost most of his career earnings, and one of his fingers (yes, he bet a finger) on a dog named wiggles.  I'm not sure why he bet on a dog named wiggles but Charles was now broke.  

After the event we all felt pretty terrible about what we had witnessed and lost.  Michael Vick, a self-proclaimed, cat person and us went our SEPARATE WAYS (WORLDS APART).

The road trip was pretty much over at this point.  We had seen the clinching game of the NBA finals and visited Charles Barkley's old friend Mike Vick.  I drove the three of us back to Chicago to drop MJ off.  He wanted to get back to work on his turn around fade away shot, which is something I taught him while we played horse.  We approached Chicago and it was the first time I had ever seen it at night, there were so many LIGHTS!  Seemed like a really cool place for the greatest basketball player of all time to live.  Since we were in Chicago at night, I asked MJ to show me around.  I parked my Volkswagen bus and we went out and tied on a serious buzz.  

I awoke the next morning and went to go grab my VW, I couldn't find it.  I saw a bum sleeping where my bus was.  I asked him if he saw what happened to it.  He said he saw some Libyan nationalist take it, he also said they were talking about going to Hill Valley, California.

Our road trip was supposed to be over, but I loved that van.  MJ loaned me a car and I headed to hill valley to get my bus back.  Charles decided to go back to Philly since California was a little bit out of his way.  He gave MJ a hug good-bye.  They were LOVIN', TOUCHIN', SQUEEZING', and I gotta say, it seemed borderline gay.  After their embrace had ended Charles turned to me.  I looked at him, standing there with his parachute pants, jerry curl and his OPEN ARMS and I opted for a handshake.  Charles was visibly disappointed because apparently, one hug wasn't enough but homie don't play that.  

I tore outta Chicago on a serious mission, had to get my sweet VW bus back.  I had a lot of sweet times and I wasn't about to roll over and let the libyans have it.  I was making sweet time, I was able to arrive in Hill Valley, California June 27th.  I spent the first couple days driving around tirelessly, looking for my beloved bus.  Unfortunately, there was no sign of it and I was running out of funds.  I was about ready to call it quits but I didn't have enough money to make it back to Ohio.  I planned on finding a job and saving up to get back.  I saw a flyer posted by a mad scientist named Doc Brown.  I met him and agreed to help him with his experiments but I was sworn to secrecy on what I would be seeing.  Coincidentally, the Libyans with my VW bus, who I was looking for, were now looking for me.  I also met Marty Mcfly and his girlfriend Jennifer, who also helped Doc out.  By mid October, I had made enough money to get back to Ohio and I had all but given up on seeing my VW again.  Marty kept complaining about Jennifer getting on his nerves and I said, "come on, GIRL CAN'T HELP IT." Doc's project seemed to be going nowhere.  I told Marty and Doc good-bye and told Marty to SEND HER MY LOVE.  Then I left.  

That night Doc had a breakthrough and he convinced me to stay.  He was getting close to creating a working time machine.  I just needed to help him a little longer. 

On October 25, 1985 I received a telephone call that a baby was born.  This baby was said to an Adonis of man.  He was incredibly good looking.  He had a head of hair that reportedly made John Stamos jealous.  He was rumored to be the best looking baby in the history of babies.  It was later proven to be a fact.

I then received another phone call that day from Doc, we were going to test out the time machine that night.  We were in a strip mall parking lot ready to test out the machine when the Libyans, who were driving my VW bus drove up and shot Doc.  I knew things were about to get real crazy, real quick so I yelled to Marty, "BE GOOD TO YOURSELF."  I had a feeling I'd never see him again.  Marty hopped in the time machine and I ran to the car MJ had lent me.  We both chased the libyans, wanting revenge for Doc, and my damn car back.  We were driving pretty fast and Marty just disappeared.  I'd say we were going about 88 mph.  I was not phased, I continued chasing.  Eventually, the Libyans stopped and just started shooting at me.  I stopped as well, took out my heat and unloaded many rounds on them.  I killed them all, killed dead.

I hopped back in my VW bus and drove back to Ohio.  I didn't really know what to do with MJ's car so I left it in Hill Valley.  

The events of that road trip really did leave me with an amazing story, it was just a little anti-climactic.  

SCENE

NFL WEEK 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, well, mutha fuckin well.  College football kicks off this week which means the NFL kicks off next weeeeeeeeek!  This is the best time of the year, easily.  Saturday game days followed by a hungover/drunk disaster at little bar.  Not to mention, the best bloody mary's I have ever tasted, courtesy of the one and only, Jess.  

Since I have returned to fantasy football this year and exited the work force, I'm going to be watching a lot of NFL this year.  I'm going to at least see highlights of every game played, guaranteed.  I'm going to acquire so much useless NFL knowledge, so I'm going to put it on my blog.  I'm going to pick every game every week and tell you if they will cover the spread.  You gotta give until about week 6 to shake all the rust off though...

I'm going to say which team will win and the team who, I believe, beats the spread will be in caps.

Week 1

TITANS @ Steelers (-5)

I have to Steelers winning this one.  Way back in blog 1 I didn't want to pick the steelers to win the super bowl and I also didn't want to say that Santonio Holmes would be the MVP because I thought it would be too much of a stretch.  Both would have been correct so this year I'm going to say exactly what I think, no matter how ridiculous it might turn out.  

Anyway, the steelers are too deep everywhere to lose this one.  Santonio is going to have a huge year, I believe Hines Ward got older during the offseason and Nate Washington is gone so Santonio is going to "blaze it up" this year.  Get it?  

DOLPHINS @ falcons (-4)

Well, kinda hard to go against that solid running game and error free play at quarterback from the falcons but I'm doing it anyway.  Chad Pennington is one of the most underrated quarterbacks in the league, doesn't have the strongest arm but he just gets it done.  Dolphins winning a week 1 swing game in Atlanta

chiefs @ RAVENS (-9)

Wow, Chiefs.  Matt Cassel is Questionable.  Hey, he didn't bring Randy Moss and Wes Welker with him from New England, did he? Top two WR's, I have never heard of, backup QB (get ready buddy) I've never heard of you either, gonna be a  long season for the chiefs.  

Look for Flacco to mature A LOT this year and the Ravens D to dominate.  They are gonna be really good.

eagles (-1) @ PANTHERS

This should be a really nice contest (look at the spread).  I see two pretty even teams offensively and I think the eagles just get more national attention and that is why they are favored.  I'm going with the panthers though.

BRONCOS @ bengals (-3.5)

it's sad for me to see the bengals make a pretty positive turn around because I don't think the browns have made that much progress.  I do like the bengals to win this game because of their improved defense, in fact, they were already improving last year.  I guess you're gonna look good defensively when you play the browns twice, though.  Chris "slim" Henry is going to have a huge year and I wish I had picked him up in fantasy late when he was still available.  I will be very interested to see what Orton looks like outside of chicago though.

VIKINGS (-3) @ browns

I don't wanna give myself false hope or bias this incredibly professional blog.  I'll put it in simple, short sentences

Browns don't know who their quarterback is.

Vikings have the most dominant player in the league (antoine winfield).

They also have an unknown guy named AP

Unless Brett Favre throws 3 pick 6's...

Browns lose big

Braylon has pan hands

have you ever caught a football while holding 2 pans?

me either

jets @ TEXANS (-4.5)

NFL team + rookie QB = the opposite of a win

Texans big 

andre johnson

JAGUARS @ colts (-7)

I like the colts to win here but I am curious to see how they will look this year w/o tony dungy.  Anthony Gonzo will have a huge year this year w/o marvin harrison.

lions @ SAINTS (-13)

rookie QB>= vet QB + 0-16 last year = lose to drew brees big

COWBOYS (-4.5) @ Tampa bay

Damn it, I hate the cowboys

Jason Witten and marion the barbarian are cool though

RAMS @ seahawks (-7.5)

look for the seahawks to be a surprise factor in the NFC this year.  Seahawks win but that spread is too big 

49ers @ ARIZONA (-6.5)

I wonder what michael crabtree's market value is... outside of the NFL I mean.  Make a deal!!!!!

REDSKINS @ giants (-6.5)

I feel like game after game, year after year, I have to watch the giants to see if Eli Manning is good.... I like them to win but not cover

bears @ PACKERS (-4.5)

I wonder how cutler will look in Chicago... probably pretty damn good but not in week 1.

BILLS @ patriots (-10.5)

I like the pats to win but i'm not sure tom is all the way back.  I'll need to see it in the regular season first....

CHARGERS (-9) @ raiders

raiders

suck

i'm 

taking 

the

chargers

to

cover

NINE

points

on

the

road

IV

Blog four is finally here!  Did you think I was going to quit blogging?  Yeah, I thought I might too.  I was having a little trouble coming up with a new topic for blog four so I did sort of give up for a while.  A few people told me they had read my blog who kind of blew my mind so I thought I better come up with something else, since I have been considering becoming a celebrity.  

Blog FOUR is going to consist of final FOUR predictions and a music section.  Yeah, blog four, final four, it was kind of a no-brainer... I like sports, so I'll tell you how the rest of this tournament will play out.  I'll also write about a lot of songs that I am currently hooked on that many of you have probably forgotten about or never heard of.  

Alright, the final four this year is pretty interesting.  We have the two teams from a powerhouse conference which dominated all season.  We have UNC which was the preseason pick to win the national championship who many people thought may go undefeated this year.  Finally, we have this years "cinderella?" team.  A number 2 seed (I know 'Nova is a #3) whose home state is hosting the final four.  Michigan has the highest unemployment percentage among states in the country and I don't want to sound insensitive, but blah, blah, blah, it's sad and we all feel bad for the people of Michigan.  

I was pretty pleased with my Super Bowl predictions (go ahead, look back at them) from blog 1 but as I stated, I gamble on sports way too much and I had watched way too much football.  NCAA basketball was a little different, I always follow sports but not to the extent as the NFL this season.  I guess what I'm saying is, the rest of this blog might be a waste of time... and hilarious.

The first game I want to discuss is the UNC/NOVA game because personally, I'm less interested in this game and I like to save the best for last, it's just how I rizzoll.  Let me just come out and state, anticlimactically, that UNC will win.  UNC probably has the most talented team remaining but they have lost a few easy games this year and I would certainly not call this an easy game.  NOVA has played more quality opponents than UNC this year so they have that on their side.  What scares me about NOVA is that it literally means "no go" in Spanish, obviously, this means they will lose fo shiz.  The NOVA automobile did not sell well in the Hispanic market.  Be sure to keep eyes peeled for more "Spanish Talk," as I intend to lace this blog with my swarthy Latin charm.  I dislike UNC pretty much, so it's hard for me to pick them but they have a pretty amazing, experienced backcourt in Wayne Ellington and Ty Lawson.  Funny I should pick UNC to win because of those two players, when they also have the reigning college basketball player of the year, Tyler "high shorts" Hansbrough.  Ty Lawson had a toe injury when the tourney began and it was as if they had no chance if he didn't return.  Basically, Hansbro puts up good numbers, but he is pretty overrated.  I do have to respect someone who is that successful with very limited athletic ability.  Did I mention he wears his shorts too high?  Maybe he is preparing himself for life as a grandma.  Sure, he can dunk but watch Tyler Hansbrough play 12 minutes of basketball and ask yourself, "What would he look like if he tried to seawalk?" because honestly, I think it would be funny.  Of course, I can't seawalk either.  People in glass casa's shouldn't throw stones.  

The next game is MSU versus UCONN.  I think this game showcases the best coach in the final four in Tom H to the Izzo, V to the Izzay, for shizzle my nizzle used to dribble down in V A.  The most important player in the final four is Goran Suton.  He is the center for MSU who must play well for MSU to have a chance.  If he plays like he did in the elite 8, MSU will win.  Goran hit shots from all around the court and carved up the Louisville zone because he is also an excellent passer.  MSU dominated Louisville for about the entire second half which was shocking to me because the Buckeyes beat MSU pretty convincingly the last time the two teams met.  We all know how terrible the Buckeyes looked a veces this year.  Ultimately, I think Goran will not play well enough and the Spartans will finish one Grant Hill hail mary and one Christian Laettner turnaround J short of winning.  

Fun Fact:

I have always known how to spell Krzyzewski because of a brilliant pneumonic device I came up with.  I'm sure everyone else will remember how to spell it using this nice little phrase.

K.ites R.eally Z.ing Y.our Z.ebra E.ven W.ith S.illy K.ilts I.gloo

UNC will defeat the Huskies in the national championship and Tyler "velvet waistband" Hansbrough will end his college career with a national championship and walk peacefully into the sunset with his hands in his pockets, located slightly below his ribcage.  Ty Lawson will be the tourney MVP, unless Tyler "make low-rise jeans illegal" Hansbrough wins because he is white and mildly talented.  Be honest, you all checked where your pants were while you were reading this.  I know I would have... if I owned pants.   

Part 1 of blog 4 ran a little longer than I anticipated, I would still like to post my music blog because I think it will be interesting but I won't tonight... maybe tomorrow.

adios

Is this where all the D!cks hang out?

Blog 3 boys.  Blog 3.  3rd time is a charm.  3 M F ing french hens.  Today I think I will talk about my phobia of urinals and what I thought about the NASCAR event last weekend.  Man, Kara Dioguardi looks good tonight.

First off, I've never had too much respect for urinals.  Ever since I was a wee lad, I have never understood them.  I remember in school we had the urinals that went to the floor and now I usually see the urinals that start out about, oh I don't know, 2 feet off the ground, eliminating all little people from potential usage.  At least when I was little urinals wouldn't discriminate and I can't believe in today's world urinals are taking a step backwards and discriminating more now than before.  Come on urinals, Barack Obama is president, be the change.  

I'm sorry urinals, I know I was pretty tough in paragraph one but that isn't even really why I dislike you.  Hold on to your horses urinals (ha, I just pictured a urinal riding a horse) it will probably get worse.  

I don't know, maybe I'm just not good at urinals but I have never really been able to use them properly.  So I don't know, maybe I'm the only one having this problem, hopefully someone can back me up here.  Maybe it's because the angle of my dangle isn't proportionate to the heat of my meat but every time I use a urinal I get splashed with my own piss.  I think what bugs me the most is that some of this ricochet I'm catching could be the remnants of a previous user's pee.  Yuck.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I love pee, who doesn't but I would much rather use a conventional toilet and forgo having two navy blue puddles on my jeans when I return to whoever I am with.  Peeing your pants is cool but having pee splatter your knee is a little embarrassing.  

On a side note, the very worst place I have encountered peeing in urinals is the B Dubs on Lane and High.  The last time I had to use a urinal at this particular bdubs I was a little chilly due to all the wetness on my leg.  Honestly, I think the next time I take a leak there I am going to change into a swimsuit.  I always pee in swimsuits, don't you?

Sometimes I feel goofy taking a leak in a toilet when all the urinals are open but that's okay. Opting for toilets doesn't make me any less of a man, neither does my love for American Musical Theatre.  No, no, it's my vagina that makes me less of a man. 

NASCAR?

In case you missed it, who cares.  The heavens opened up and it started raining, the race was called with 48 (of 200) laps left.  The order of the racers with 48 laps left is how they finished, which was a terrible way to crown a champion.  

WTF NASCAR.  THE DAYTONA 500, THE SUPERBOWL OF RACING.  Uh, we just had the real Super Bowl and they didn't quit after the third quarter.  In fact, they played the entire game.  I understand they can't continue the race when it is raining but that seriously sucked.  I mean, I can't think of a better system NASCAR should invoke for such events but they should race the entire race.  Put that shit under a dome.  The real reason I'm mad is because I bet on the race and it was the first race I have ever watched and was called 3/4 of the way through.  Oh yeah, my main man Elliot Sadler, was in first and then he decided to go slow for a while, dropping him to fifth.  It was about 5 laps after this happened that the race was called and yours truly lost his bet.  I guess I learned my lesson, I don't like NASCAR and I'm not giving it another chance.