Old Yellar (new podcast below. burke granger and i preview the AL and NLCS's)

I knew October 10^th, 2010 would be a memorable day. But I also kind of knew it would be memorable for all the wrong reasons. It was never my intention to create a blog where I inform the masses about my regular, day-to-day life. With this piece, I’ve decided to make an exception because last Sunday was special.

I remember visiting my mom’s parents a few times when I was little. The only way I can place my grandpa is in his golden recliner, either watching the Reds on television, or listening to them on the radio. Other than where he was from, and his occupation, that’s all I really know about him; he used to like the Reds. I also have a home video of my third birthday with my parents and brother, and my mom’s parents were also there. They sing happy birthday to me, and then Mom says to make a wish. I oblige and close my eyes to think of what I might want. While my eyes were closed, my 7-year-old brother thought it would be hilarious to blow my candles out, so he did. My Reds-loving grandpa yelled at my brother and my mom grabbed him by the ear. Between my Mom’s thumb and forefinger were my brother’s ear and the smoldering match, which she had lit the candles with and forgotten about. My brother screamed, cried, and called my mom a stupid-head in that order, making my third birthday my favorite birthday, easily.

Anyway, I know two things about that grandpa really; he loved the Reds and hated my brother.

The reason I thought October 10^th would be so memorable is because I had a few rarities that I was hoping to accomplish all on that day. I had planned to wake up and finish the book I’d been writing for 7 months. Then, I wanted to go to a bar in Columbus and watch the Browns and immediately leave after the game to be in Cincinnati in time for their first home playoff game in 15-years. It didn’t quite work out that way.

It turned out my aforementioned brother ended up calling me every 15 minutes to inform me that we were leaving an extra hour earlier. We ended up leaving Columbus at 11am to pick up our friends and get to Cincinnati in time to watch the Browns in a bar. It had to look strange to the locals. Five guys in Reds gear, yelling at the television every time the Browns screwed up.

If you’re keeping track, this is what’s happened so far: I thought I’d finish my book but couldn’t because we left for the game 6 hours before I thought we would, and I didn’t get to watch the Browns at my favorite bar in Columbus, and also, the Browns lost. The day wasn’t exactly going according to my plan.

After watching three hours of vomit-inducing quarterback play from the Browns, we made our way downtown to have a few more beers and get closer to the stadium. During the 15-minute drive I literally felt sick. For some reason, I began thinking about the movie, “Old Yellar.” I haven’t seen the movie since I was about 9 so my memory might be rusty. After Old Yellar is irreversibly stricken with rabies, they make the decision to shoot the dog. That Dad was ready to put the dog down, but his 12-year old son said he’d do it because, “she was my dog.”

I really wasn’t too excited to see the Reds play that home game because the series was at 0-2. Even if we had won that game, Roy Halladay was next. There was basically zero chance for the Reds after they got themselves behind two games. During the ride downtown, I thought of my Grandpa listening/watching every game. I thought of my Dad always having the games on as well. What else is there to do in Minster after you get off work? You watch the games, I guess. Finally, I thought about last season; how I was living by myself and didn’t have an operational television, not to mention, cable. I missed the entire ’09 Reds season and I hated it. I redeemed myself this season and caught just about every single game, and by the time we arrived at the stadium I thought, “This team is my dog.” I’m glad I was able to be there in person to witness the final game. It really was an amazing season.

Even though the day didn’t unfold exactly how I would have liked, it was still a memorable day. The first game I went to this season was about 1/3 of the way in. The Reds were playing the Cardinals, and actually ended up taking their first divisional lead that day. It was a gloomy Sunday and of course, half the stadium was vacant, and most of the people attending the game seemed pretty indifferent to the outcome. I remember saying to my buddy Jonathan that day, “Man, all I want is to go to a game where the stadium is full, and the crowd is actually into the game.”

Later in the season, I attended the division clinching game and went nuts with the rest of the crowd as Jay Bruce walked the Reds into the postseason for the first time in a decade in a half. That game fulfilled my wish, and it was granted again when I attended the playoff game a few weeks later. If only I had wished for a World Series Championship. Sigh.

Ham and Burke talk about Baseball (Ham and Burke Not Pictured)

One Week in Minster

I can’t believe kids who were born the day Tupac was fatally shot are now old enough to legallydrive moped’s. It’s been 14 years and in that time, I’ve been a bitter witness to the constant decay of hip-hop. Sometimes I sit and wonder what kind of difference 1 person could make in the music industry. What hip-hop might sound like today if Tupac were still recording new raps. I like to think that he wouldn’t have sold out and produced all the crap that we hear today, but who am I kidding, he probably would have. I know I would.

I can't believe Tupac was only 25 when he was murdered. Barely 25. I'll never forget September 13, 1996 and I'll always remember his birthday because it's one of my favorite lyrics in the song "Krazy."

June one, six, seven, one

the day

momma pushed me out her womb

told me n**** get paid

I can't believe the breadth of his music was accomplished by the time he was barely 25 years old. I'm almost 25 and I've yet to record a single gangster rap album. Time's a waistin'.

When I was 10 years old my brother did the smartest thing he has ever done, without question. He purchased All Eyez on Me. All Eyez on Me is Tupac Shakur’s debut album with Death Row Records, which was created after Suge Knight, the CEO of Death Row, bailed Tupac out of jail. Since the age of 10, this has been my favorite album of all time. Technically, this album belonged to my brother, but if you ever wanted to find it, the best place to check would have been my CD player. I absolutely wore that CD out; in fact, it’s about 15 feet from where I sit right now. The outside of ‘Book 1’ (the first CD) is cracked and I can’t hear the songs at the end of the CD (I aint mad at cha, trading war stories, and what’s your phone #). Book 2 is scratched to shit, but the songs are mostly audible. So, if anyone wants to get me a cheap birthday present, that will be one of my favorite gifts of all time...

I remember riding with my friend, J Boke, to a high school football game in Piqua, OH (Brandon Saine) in his full-conversion van, with RJ at the helm. Whatever radio station we were listening to took a music break to deliver some of the days news. I remember hearing the lady say Tupac Shakur had died. I remember being shocked and somewhat disturbed by the news, but I don’t think I was extremely devastated. I thought I had maybe misunderstood the lady, but I checked with J Boke, and he said that he had heard it too. I wasn’t quite the business mogul back then that I am today, so I couldn’t check my Blackberry, but I was pretty confident that I had just heard the bad news accurately. I think this news came shortly after my brother had purchased All Eyez on Me, so I wasn’t quite the fan, at that point, that I eventually became a few years later. However, it obviously had some sort of affect on me since after all, I was only 10 and I remember it today, fourteen years later. Sorry I said the word “news” twelve times that paragraph, there just aren’t many good synonyms for news. News.

No more than 2 weeks later, I was in my living room with my brother and Roy Rooster. At this time, MTV actually still played a few music videos and I remember “I ain’t mad at cha” came on. Like much of Tupac’s future catalogue, it was eerily prophetic. The video was set in heaven. Watching that video was the first time I realized that this ordeal was going to wind up being kind of a big deal in my life.

It became difficult for me to expand my Tupac collection shortly thereafter. This was when they began putting the “explicit content” warning on CD’s and I was forced to tell my mom it didn’t matter, because I had heard all the bad words before anyway. Sometimes it worked, most of the time it didn’t. Even though, I was usually shut down, I was persistent and ended up with nearly every album I wanted anyway. All Eyez on Me, The Don Killuminati (The Seven Day Theory), R U Still Down (Remember Me), Strictly for my N.*.G.G.A.Z; Greatest Hits, Until the End of Time, Better Dayz, Resurrection, and Pac’s Life. The great thing is that most of his albums were double CD’s (which is why I call them albums), so it was so much music for me to indulge in. And even though I had heard all of the bad words before, it all became pretty shocking when I grew up and could decipher what Tupac was actually talking about in his songs.

I developed an amazing idea last night, while I was sitting on the couch, thinking about how little I care about Virginia Tech, or Boise State. I saw a commercial for "One Night in Vegas" which will air tonight on ESPN and I wondered to myself, Why don’t I celebrate Tupac week? It’s genius. I’ll start celebrating this year, just by listening to large quantities of his music. The reason to celebrate Tupac week is because he was fatally wounded by gunshots on September 7^th, but didn’t pass away until a week later on the 13^th, which was a Friday in September of 1996, by the way. I guess the reason I had never celebrated a “Tupac Week” is probably because I had always celebrated “Tupac Year” from the ages of roughly, 10-18. I’ve briefly written about this before, in a silly facebook note with 25 random facts about me. I have an addictive personality and it’s the reason I’ve watched the same movie 3 times in one day on multiple occasions, and why from the (rough) ages of 10-18 I basically listened to Tupac exclusively. Every school year, my mom would cover my books and I'd fill all the covers with various Tupac lyrics, and it helped pass the time in school. It’s hilarious to think what I must have looked like; bumping Tupac in this breathtakingly stunning, 1988 Chrysler New Yorker Landau for the first 5 months I had my license.

I laugh reminiscing on the day Zoid and I were playing Nintendo in his basement, when his mom walked downstairs in time to hear the last minute and a half of “Hit ‘em up.” The album version, which we were listening to, continues to drop F-bombs for about an extra minute. Wow, that was uncomfortable. It’s weird; this blog isn’t as funny as I expected, but I also didn’t expect to make myself legitimately sad from writing this.

If you’re planning on listening to this last link on a fancy laptop, don’t even bother. The bass is what makes this song, and bass doesn’t come through on laptops. It's a remake of the classic, "Broken Wings," I suggest hooking it up to the best sound system in your house and blaring it as loud as legally possible.

Until the End of Time, one of my favorites and, oh, so appropriate.

Cya later, I'll be listening to Tupac for a week straight, and then maybe a year straight.

RIP Tupac.

Ham and Kurt talk about sports

HOT HOT HOT

I'm not good at apology's, so if it's all the same to you, I'd like to just skip it. Yes, this is where one would usually find my customary, "Apology Paragraph," for not posting anything to help temper the Hounds' insatiable thirst, but I'm not doing that. Anyway, I'm sorry. It's damn good to be back (large portions of this paragraph were taken from a conversation in, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, probably my favorite movie of all time).

It's been so hot, I can't do anything. If you're not from Ohio, you've probably heard of it a few times (a lot recently, because of the LeBron fiasco), because it has a few medium-sized cities, but you probably don't know much else about it. Ohio is in the eastern time zone. Something I feel like I wouldn't know if I weren't from Ohio. The other thing you probably wouldn't know, is how dreadfully humid it can be in the summer. This summer has been dreadful. Anyone remember about 3 years ago when it only went over 90 degrees once the entire summer, and it wasn't humid? That was awesome, and a complete 180 from this summer.

I've been relegated to sitting indoors, in the air conditioning. The latest thing I've gotten into is listening to Podcasts. How lame is that? I'm embarrassed to admit it. It's been so miserable and boring, I've listened to Bill Simmons Podcasts where he and a guest talk about Jersey Shore for a solid 40 minutes. He's done this on two different podcasts, and I sit and listen to it like an idiot. The worst part is, I've never even seen Jersey Shore, but I'm so bored that I listen to "The Sports Guy," analyze it for 80 minutes. In case you're wondering, I don't have a girlfriend.

I've basically become one of Bill Simmons' minions. Anything he talks about, or suggests, I dive right into, except Jersey Shore. I can't watch Jersey Shore because I don't like watching morons do moronic things. But I love listening to Bill. I even suggested he do a "Joe Pod" competition to get a regular person guest starring on the Pod. I'm just trying to get myself on the podcast. The way he emits his hard consonants is very pleasing, for some reason. He also does the typical, "mmm" sound when he's listening to someone else talk. I don't mean "mmm" like "this is really yummy, mmm." It's a shorter, grunting sound someone makes when another person produces an interesting point. Bill talks about Mad Men frequently, so of course, I started watching it. The first three episodes were painfully boring, and I literally fell asleep during all three. Since I'm a loser, this wasn't enough to completely turn me off of the show, so now, I'm through 5 episodes and it's picked up quite a bit. Mad Men has the best opening credits I've ever seen. I don't know why, but I love that opening sequence. Thanks to my man-crush on Bill Simmons and thanks to Mad Men, I've also recently developed my latest heterosexual crush on January Jones. Oh my.

Anyway

Maybe it's because every day I step outside at about 8:30 am, I immediately am covered in some kind of gooey sludge, commonly referred to as sweat. Maybe it's because playing softball, something I am typically thrilled to do, has seemed like a chore all summer. It might even have something to do with my strong opposition and hate for swass, but I'm ready for this summer to be over. I need some cooler temps, and less-liquid air.

Yeah I know, summer is supposed to be great, but it's just not my bag, okay? I do not possess anything close to physical supremacy (yet) and I forget everything I learned in those swimming lessons I endured 20 years ago. Because of these factors, I cannot swim to cool off, from fear of ridicule and death. I can't even fill the tub up too high if I decide to take a bath. What does this mean? Well, to be honest, after rereading these paragraphs, probably nothing. Basically, I'm just trying to hang on until fall; the greatest time of year.

If you think about it, and more importantly, if I think about it, this fall is shaping up to be about as good as I could have possibly hoped. What might bring on this childlike exuberance you're probably wondering. Sports, duh! First things first, the NFL is poised to commence in a few weeks. Although I'm not as passionate about my favorite NFL team (Browns) as I am in other sports, the NFL is the greatest sport to watch in its totality. Secondly, tOSU Buckeyes are just about the consensus #2 preseason team in the country. Actually, most sites have the Buckeyes as an odds-on favorite to win the national championship this season. I know it's early; nobody's played a game yet, but it's still cool to hear that. Terrelle Pryor is really poised to have a huge year. He's struggled (mightily) at times, but if one looked at Vince Young's career arc, it really turned around for him his third college season, and Terrelle plays a similar style game. Tressel recently said that his only worry about Pryor is that he may be working too hard in the offseason. Certainly, a very senatorial comment that we've come to expect from JT, but once again, it is something I like to hear. Also, it appears that Terrelle's acne is clearing up, which I'm sure he's excited about. I'm glad Terrelle has won his fight with "pizza face" and I'm sure he's happy to have that bout behind him. The only reason I feel I can make these comments is because I've struggled similarly with acne. For the record, I'm also entitled to be critical of German's because of my Germanity, which is a cool word I just made up. I felt kind of strange watching Inglorious Basterds, rooting for the Jews and Brad Pitt to kill all those German's, but fuck it, those krauts deserved it.

Speaking of kraut... The first full weekend in October is also designated for Oktoberfest in lovely Minster, Ohio. So much to look forward to. Here's an abbreviated list of the festivities... Half-gallon jugs of beer in everyones hand. Polka. Chuck-a-luck. Drunk Ronald getting talked into doing the "hedgehog" (this is probably wishful thinking, the hedgehog has been on the shelf for a few years). All kinds of gourmet sausages, as well as any other awesome, German foods. Arts and crafts. Grown, fat men in Lederhosen. Browns vs Bengals. Beer tray relay. Obvious underage kids drinking. Cops obviously looking the other way. Vomit.

I don't know the exact date when the calendar says it's officially fall, but to me, fall starts around the middle of September. This is when the MLB regular season will be winding down, and the playoffs will be looming on the brink. For the first time since 1999, the Reds are in the playoff hunt this late in the season. Yes, I know, baseball is boring to watch and even worse to read about, so I'll keep this portion short. I just need you all to know, that the playoffs are a big part of my life and should the Reds merit one of the 4 national league spots; I'll gladly forego day drinking Buckeye football games so I'm lucid for the Saturday night playoff game. Think about that! How many things are so important to you, that you would make a conscious decision to not drink during the day of a Buckeye football game? Sorry 20 year old ham, you will not be partaking in the 8:00am ritual beer-bong with J Spill.

I am yearning for cooler temperatures and thinner air. Put me in a hoodie and jeans; give me the Buckeyes, hopefully the Reds, the NFL, copious amounts of beer, Oktoberfest and more beer, then I'll be happy.