Mark Awesome is Titus

You'll have to excuse me if my sentences don't flow as seamlessly as you may be accustomed to. I have recently been diagnosed with Entire-Sentence Dyslexia. From my understanding, it is a relatively new affliction, that I just made up in an attempt to explain why the title is out of order. Entire-Sentence Dyslexia is not very funny and may cause someone to write an entire opening paragraph with absolutely no substance.

Anyway, Mark Titus is awesome, you know it's true because it is the title. So I heard Mark was on ESPN First Take this afternoon and I'm sorry I missed it. I wasn't able to watch because I was busy being semi-hungover from drinking beer with my 57 year old uncle last night. Also, it aired at the same time as The Herd, and while Cowherd is my boy, Skip Bayless is my friends' 7 month old mutt who licks everything as long as it is, in fact, a thing. My friend named his dog "Carson" in honor of that QB who plays football for the bingles. I think he named his dog this because he really wants to sleep with Carson Palmer and since he knows that isn't going to happen, the next best thing is sleeping with an animal who shares the same name. *Gay Bestiality Joke!* I can make this joke because no gay people read this blog. This is why I frequently poke fun at Canadians, Dave Coulier, Peter Parker (not Tobey Maguire) and horses.

Eventually, I'm going to explain why Mark Titus is awesome. I'll start right now. Short Paragraph.

1. The most obvious reason. His writing is hilarious. Maybe it's just me, but when you read his posts, you don't envision a person who is laboring over his stories. He sits down, writes for 2 hours, skims it over and then clicks, 'publish post.' I think that's an amazing ability, and it's rare. Just more Mark Titus hilariousness posted for eager eyes to read, and it was just so easy for him. At least, that's how I picture it. I also choose to picture him in a robe, with glasses, on a typewriter, Angela Lansbury style but I know that part probably isn't true. I do think he would make a great middle-aged female novelist/detective, if he chose that endeavor. Mark's blog entry's are long. They are not long because he is writing for a 6th grade English teacher who employs bumper stickers which read, "Less is NEVER More," and "Save the Whales," (the whales sticker isn't relevant). His blog entry's are long and the content is spectacular. He is always either adding to the story or saying something witty/funny. There is never really any fluff. Fluff may be the best hangman word in the history of hangman.

2. Mark's awesome because in one blog entry he explained a party in Coldwater, Ohio which reminded him of parties in high school that he was never invited to. That's not an exact quote, but it was something like that. I also appreciate a good Coldwater reference. It's hard to believe a person this funny, this witty, could have been an outsider in high school. He seems like an absolute riot. I could see that being the case only if Mark was simply so ahead of his peers, mentally, that he just did not mesh well with his classmates. I think it actually makes him a lot more interesting if he weren't all that popular in high school. Whether he was popular or not then, he's most certainly is now.

3. He can grow a beard.