What's in a name?

I have been thinking about names a lot in the past 18 hours. I checked my blog this morning and realized I hadn't posted in a week, which, I'm sure, depresses many of you. I didn't think of a single sweet topic all week to write about, so this is going to be about names.

I was thinking about names last night when I was trying to go to sleep, which tends to be when I do most of my best thinking. I arrived at that point because an hour or so before I went to bed, I was given my world-record 534th nickname. Nick "Thunder" Testa gave me the nickname "hot wing" because, wait for it, he saw me eating a hot wing.

If you know me and my group of friends you've probably realized we mostly have nicknames. Not a lot of people from our neck of the woods named Timothy are referred to as Timothy. Instead, they are called Tim until about 2nd grade and then suddenly, get the nickname, "Honker," for example. Timothy ==>Tim ==>Honker, that's just sort of how it worked for us and especially me.

I'm not really a fan of first names, in general. Take me, for example. My parents gauge how appropriate or fitting or awesome something is by how much the people around them are doing the same thing. They use this barometer for nearly every circumstance. A few weeks ago I went to a wedding and decided to get a vest to match my suit. When my mom saw me she said, "People don't wear vests anymore," to which I retorted, "Who cares, I'm sure you can see how sexy I am in this, (while pointing to said vest) and that's most important."

Basically, through my parents' line of thought, I ended up with the most common first name in the world and my brothers' name is in a close 2nd. So, in my parents opinion, since commonality = good, we have the best and second best names, ever. While, in my opinion, if you give someone one of these "classic" names and it isn't an homage to an older relative, you might as well name the kid Treebark or Curtain. My brother and I both shared our names with 2 other people in our respective grade school classes, classes with only 30 boys apiece, so we really did hit the jackpot.

The reason I don't like common first names and why I love nicknames is because I think we should be called something unique to ourselves. This is extremely difficult to capture with a first name because it is usually decided before anyone ever sees you. I must admit, however, I do like uncommon first names. I admire a name like Mike, for example, but only if your name is Mike Smith IV, or anything that has been passed down. I have secretly always desired to be the III, but I'm not named after my Dad, who wasn't named after his Dad, so it didn't work out.

I love that my friends have nicknames which are derived from personal stories. One of the weirdest nickname story's has to be about my friend Greg. For some reason, which would be too wordy to explain here, I started calling my friend Greg, "Craig." After continuing this, another friend heard me calling Greg, Craig. This other friend started to then call me, "Craig." So I obliged and called him, "Craig." Long story short, some people now call me, "Craig," and I have four "Craig's" in my cellphone who aren't really named Craig. It's kind of confusing, I know.

So, I rarely call anybody by their first names. I don't mean any disrespect and I don't know if anybody takes it as disrespect but I choose nicknames as a way to differentiate people and make them singular in this huge world. I think it's a compliment. Actually, if I call you by your first name, it probably means that I either just met you, or you haven't done anything noteworthy since we've met, which probably means you're boring. Unless you're a girl, girls don't get nicknames for some reason. There was one occasion on Senior Trip, where I met a girl and refused to call her anything but Molly, which wasn't and still isn't her first name, I do suppose that was disrespectful. Sorry Denise, but who am I kidding, she doesn't read this.

I will now leave you with a list of nicknames I have been called throughout my life. This list is not all-inclusive, and I will try to go in chronological order. Here goes.

Smitty, hammer, ham, hamhock, hambone, bone, bones, boner, hamboner, pimp, stud (pimp and stud are not jokes, they both occurred in about 4th grade), hamdizzle, Pickle, Puck (Puck is the shortened version of pickle, for some reason), thumper, hambino, little h, craig, dizzle, dizz and hot wing.

Mark "The Shark" Titus update:

A few entries ago I stated that this blog would undoubtedly surpass Mark Titus' blog in hits. I say, "in hits," because I know we already blow him away on content. When I first mentioned our eventual overtaking of Mark as the best blog in OSU history, Mark had about 2.2 million hits and I had 1500 hits. Currently, Mark still is in the 2.2 million arena while We have risen to over 1800 hits. So, as far as I can tell, we're catching up. Great job readers or as I have now officially named you, "Hambino Hounds."

Another update:

In April I created a list of timeless songs and a description on why I liked each song. I wanted to come up with 40 songs that I knew I would still enjoy in 40 years, I stopped at 32 that particular day and reread the list today. A couple of the songs were whiffs, but 95 percent I would keep on the list today, 10 months later, so I'm releasing the list soon. I know 1 Hambino Hound (Phil "Michael Jackson" Prenger) has long awaited this list. I'd like to apologize for this. Phil, You are a great 'Merican, and I vow to release this list.